For the first time in my life, I wish I could drive a car. I'd be there by now. With my friend. I'd have left early this morning. She's in a dark place. I should be there with her.
I know there's nothing I can really do. We like to think we hold miracle cures in our back pockets to take away the pain of our loved ones, but we really don't.
Still, I would sit in a dark room with her and just be there. In case she wanted a grilled cheese sandwich. Or a glass of pineapple juice. Or someone not to talk to. Maybe she'd want someone to lower the shade or get another blanket or find the book she'd been reading. Perhaps she'd want to listen to Eva Cassady or Joni Mitchell or we could laugh ourselves silly over something stupid. Maybe we'd have one of those good, old fashioned crying spells that leave us breathless but refreshed somehow. Or maybe not. Maybe I'd just sit there. Still as a button. But I'd be there. And I think we'd both feel better. Somehow.
I keep going back to the lyrics of that Bruce Cockburn song......even the best map cannot guide us/we can't see what's round the bend/sometimes the road leads to dark places/sometimes the darkness is our friend.....
I hope it's enough that she knows I wish more than anything that I could be there with her.