Yesterday I imagined screaming "the Calvary is coming" from whatever rooftop I could get up on. Mistakenly I thought Denise was coming to visit today and stay long enough to help me get through the poetry reading and the after party. I am positive my burning desire to have her here made me read that into her e-mail. Alas, it's not going to happen....but I am so looking forward to spending some time with her next week. When it's all over.
And then this morning, help came from an unexpected source: two men in my writing group. I trust these men completely, honor their opinions and always take their comments to heart. Concerned about my opening poem the most -- I know I'll be fine once I get started, it's just that getting started part, you know -- they listened and were kind and supportive. One of them is coming back to my place on Thursday to "coach" me and promised to listen to me read as long as it takes for me to feel comfortable.
And my angst seemed to float away. I read a couple of the poems into my tape recorder after everyone left and actually LIKED what I heard today. I'm not dreading the party as much either...even though I haven't done my part of the shopping yet. It will all come together.
One of the guys said, "I'll dress in drag and read all your poems for you,". Another said, "Listen to that Indigo Girls song again that you like so much." I just did. "Watershed." The lyric that scorched me: you agonize until your agony's your heaviest load.
So I let it go. So, thanks to all my pals for getting me to this point.