My favorite saying, stolen from Carrie Fisher, used to be "Instant gratification takes too long."
Older and wiser now, I still feel that way sometimes, though I've learned to sit back and accept that everything happens for some reason or other. Time usually does take care of almost everything.
My favorite cousin is going through a tough time. The weekend following her mom's funeral she left her husband. She wanted to be happy. I'd cautioned her about making any kind of major decision at this time but she felt it was long overdue, and I resigned myself to being there if she needed me and letting her follow the path she's chosen.
I've seen the same thing happen repeatedly as I've dealt with friends and employees over the years: our mothers die and we're off doing something new in order to be "happy". It often doesn't turn out as we imagined it might.
When did we stop giving ourselves permission to simply take time to grieve? Must we always keep our chins up and still amble through our days as if nothing has changed in our lives? Is that truly what our loved ones would have wished us to do?
I think that when I die I want all my friends to take to their beds for a day or two and read trashy romance novels in between crying bouts and trips to the frig for chocolate chip ice cream.
And then get on with their lives...realizing that the gratification of living a happy life comes slowly and rarely following rash decisions. There are times when we are supposed to be depressed.....you know, that old thing about there being no rainbows without the storms?
My wish for my cousin today is that she enjoy the moment for what it brings, even if it's a flow of memories that bring her sorrow or pain. It's all part of the plan. She can be as happy as she allows herself to be -- no one else can or should make her happy -- but perhaps she needs to take some time to grieve, to feel sorry for herself, to mourn all that was and will no longer be.
I know she'll feel better afterwards.